As we develop and grow, so do our friends. We find better jobs and significant others. We add children, pets, new cars, houses—you name it.
It’s exciting to experience these life-changing moments as they come, but there is a nagging feeling that can spring up–even in the purest of hearts, at the best of times.
Envy.
While we all have our victorious moments, and while we know it’s pointless to compare happiness with others, it nonetheless remains oddly difficult to shake that feeling of envy we all have—that feeling that those around us are simply better at life than we are.
There are plenty of culprits. Technology has given us some new ones, such as FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), a phenomenon brought to us by social media that shows off people having a good time when you aren’t. There’s also phone-envy, tablet envy and friend-count envy.
Other ingredients are marinading in the envy stew: The good ol’ fear of not having enough money to keep up with friends’ lifestyles, the other friend who gets the Ph.D that you wish you had, or the crushing panic of being alone forever, when everyone around seems to be ‘putting a ring on it.’
The drive to be someone better is something that consumes me, and for a long time I found it difficult to deal with when people around me were celebrating victories I still hadn’t achieved.
But then everything changed one rainy day this summer; the day I finally learned and knew the joy that comes with celebrating others.
The beauty hit me at a rather unexpected moment: I was dancing in a torrential rainstorm, the kind that Denver is lucky to see once a year. I was on antibiotics, worn out, and depending on a cold beer to keep me warm, listening to “Forever” by Chris Brown for—and I’m not kidding—the 20th time.
No, this isn’t a story about drug abuse.
The truth is I was practicing a dance routine for a friend’s wedding proposal, the kind of stuff most of us only see on YouTube. But on a cold, wet afternoon, the experience brought me an unexpected thrill.
Maybe I’m just lucky to have great friends, or maybe hypothermia was setting in. Whatever it was, being a part of someone else’s special day felt amazing—envy-free amazing.
Perhaps we can all take a moment and think about how we react to good news from those we care about. Sure, we are happy for them, but when a friend gets a promotion, do we smile and quickly do the math of how much they’re making to how much we’re making in our heads? When at a wedding, are we able to get through the entire ceremony without picturing ourselves at the altar?
If you’re human, I’m going to bet you answer very similarly to me.
I always thought the key was faking it until I make it. As it turns out, the faking it part can be skipped—it’s possible to go straight to making it.
Try it.
At the next wedding that still isn’t yours, dance your ass off and see just how many times you can thank the bride and groom for including you in a day that means so much to them. Mean it.
When someone gets a promotion, leave the calculator in your head alone and offer to buy them a cup of coffee as a token of congratulations and ask to pick their brain on their keys to success. In fact, you’re probably overdue for catching up over coffee, anyway.
When a friend is about to ask someone to marry them, ask if they need a photographer to document the special moment.
At the end of the day, being involved in the lives of those we care about is important. We’re often told being a good friend is about being around when shit hits the fan, or when a friend needs a shoulder to cry on. What we don’t talk about is the importance of celebrating those happy moments that make life great with those we care about, even when those moments require hours of dancing in the rain.
Note: The beautiful couple in the first photo are my newly engaged friends Ryan and Elise. Both photos are by Jamie Howdon.
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